the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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