At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
