so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
