I wannas sexs uuuuu
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Houston, we have a blender
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
