Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
