Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
