very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize