trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
