My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize