Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
