in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's blow job season.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
