just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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