the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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