Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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