chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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