sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
They took my balls.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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