Are we in a gay sports bar?
My hand turned me down
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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