I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
