Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize