Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
