There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
