I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
