go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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