I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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