Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize