Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
