your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We got so high we made milksteak
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
