I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
