I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
How does it feel to date your dad?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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