If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
