i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize