on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
