No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
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