I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
