it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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