honey bunches of taint.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
