hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
