so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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