Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
