pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
