I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
