i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize