she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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