Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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