my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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