he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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