drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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