Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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