Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
