You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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