i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
