My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
