puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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