thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
