Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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