Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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