Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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