i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
