If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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