I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
