He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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