I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
