Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
