So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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