I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
