too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
