He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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