I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He better not be in your backpack
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
