I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
