We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize