i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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