I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
