i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
