ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
