It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
