the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
