literally had 100 drinks last night.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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