I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
