my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
