I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize