he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
