my sisters under your porch take her home
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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