hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
