I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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