farters have to be the big spoon...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
