Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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