If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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