doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
