yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
