He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
