I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
