she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
