btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
