I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
