Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
