Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
