i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
can u get pink eye on your cock?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
