Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
