She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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