And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
