last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
