do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
