I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
