see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
