After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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