if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
