Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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